Enjoy The Moments and Release The Expectations

I believe my mantra for this holiday season is, "Enjoy the moments and release the expectations." It's crazy how full of expectations the holiday season is. I find the unstated expectations of others and my internal expectations the two that drive me absolutely bonkers.

I love Christmas. I love a simple Christmas. I love the Christmas in a house filled with lights and simple decorations and candles. I love the Christmas with a strong spiritual component. I love the Christmas without long lines of shopping. I love the Christmas without debt. I love the Christmas with enough sweets--but not too much indulging. I love the Christmas of generosity to others. I love the Christmas where I get to share all of those things with my little family of three and everyone else who wants to come along for the ride.

Why does the holiday season seem so rushed and overwhelming? So much the opposite of what I love.

Saturday night I had the perfect example of enjoying the moment and releasing expectations. We were driving home from celebrating Thanksgiving with my love's family. It was late enough that we should have just driven home and put the little boy to bed. Instead we stopped at out town's holiday tree lighting festivities. They were completely winding down. The crowds were beginning to vanish. It was a spontaneous stop, and it was soooo much about just enjoying the moment. We got to see horses pulling wagons of people. That was enough--it wasn't necessary to get a ride. The little boy got his first taste of cotton candy, and promptly brushed his teeth at home! He also got to see his first ice sculptures and give Elmo a hug.

I hope I have a lot more of these moments over the next month or so. It's not the big stuff. It's the precious stuff that lingers in the heart.

What is going to make this an especially memorable holiday season for you?

Better With Age

If that little watercolor pencil piece doesn't move you, what will? Super Sam (with his faithful assistant, Daddy) made this birthday card for me. You can't even imagine how proud of it he is--super sweetness!

So today is my birthday. It seems like every year something really stands out to me. For me this year I was so aware of the age fantasy for women that is perpetuated by our culture on birthdays.

Was I 29, again? No, thank you! I'm not at a place in my life where I fantasize about what my life was like when I was 29 or what life would be like if I could return to 29. With great pride and honesty I can say that I would not return to 29, even if I could. And I have done a great deal of work to find myself in a wonderful place of enoughness today. I am enough. I have been given enough. I have done enough. (I don't always believe this, but I do today.) And I think this is about enough for today.

Embracing Imperfection and Gentleness

I do recognize that the season for jack-o-lanterns is past. But I was looking through some pictures when I ran across this. It got me to thinking about how hard it is to embrace my shortcomings.

Sam, the 21 month old in my little family, loves spiders--also known as pid-r or issy-issy. (Think itsy bitsy spider!) So I thought I would carve this great spider pumpkin. It didn't turn out the way I wanted it to, and I just wanted to quit. Of course Sam didn't even act like he cared about what I was doing on the kitchen floor!
I wanted to have something perfect that he didn't even understanding! Once it was lit he enjoyed it, and so did I.

Today I have been really stuck by how little gentleness I extend to myself--less than I extend to the most obnoxious kid. I need to let myself off the hook about grading papers and planning projects for school and even making Christmas gifts. I'm going to try to make my mantra, "Gentleness for me." I've noticed that when I feel overwhelmed or really dissatisfied I'm not sending any grace my way. I once repeated this little statement as I walked miles in marathon training:

"I'm taking the pressure off myself. I'm doing the best I can. I am loved unconditionally by God."

If I want to radiate that love I can start by giving to myself. What do you say or do to accept imperfection and administer gentleness?

Little Poem and Enoughness

I'm reading and digesting little bits of the book A Life of Having, Being, and Doing Enough by Wayne Muller. The concept of enoughness is one that I simultaneously struggle with and embrace. I'm really hoping to enter each day and the new school year as and with enough.

This little poem by John O'Donohue is in the book and spoke to me this morning:

Fluent

I would love to live
Like a river flows,
Carried by the surprise
Of its own unfolding.