Monday, June 17, 2013

The Confessional

I started this blog a little over three years ago.  I started it in the midst of the worst and least supported year of my life as a teacher.  I started it as a tool of my own survival.  It worked!  I'm still here.

At the same time I created a three year plan.  I anticipated that the school year that just finished was going to be my last year as a classroom teacher, except it's not.  There is a little part of me that is disappointed that life does not move on my time frame, but here is the crazy thing.  I am totally content.  This is true.

How did this happen?  You may be wondering this right along with me.  My circumstances did not magically change.  I haven't given in to the belief that we are going down the right path by testing kids to death.  In fact my paradigm is probably stronger than it has ever been before.

The changes have been in me.  I have a stronger awareness about who I am as the teacher.
I know I am not a magician who can change very much of anything.
I recognize that the most powerful work I do with kids is about them at a social, emotional and interpersonal level.
I recognize that I am not going to change the mind of any parent, administrator, or coworker, and that is OK.
I can still state the truth from my perspective, but I don't drive myself crazy when others don't respond.  I realize that my work is never done, so I can balance my life outside of school--at least most of the time.
I am freeing myself up to get present, enjoy the little moments, and savor every victory--even those for which I receive no credit.
I can also release criticism in a way I never could before.  I might not get the credit I deserve, but I don't accept the blame I don't deserve either.
I can choose kindness or not, but it's ALWAYS a choice.

I am watching my creativity expand, and I am delighted to say that many of the opportunities that I was once chasing after are now chasing me--summering at Lakeside, painting, yoga, playing with my son, and so much more is unfolding before me and around me.

I confess, I've surrendered my struggle--at least most of the time, and I'm delighted to have the season of my life, but I'm also anticipating next year and the adventure it will bring.

I don't think I will be in the classroom too many more years, but I'm content that my three year plan hasn't work out, yet!

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