Thursday, July 7, 2011

Change of Perspective and Clarity

It seems like in the past month I've had a surprising number of conversations when people ask me what it was like to become a mom when I was older. So I became a mom when I was 40.

And in the past two and a half years my life has changed and stayed the same.
I still have the same job. I still live in the same house. I still live with the same man.

I used to travel alone a lot, but I've only had a couple day trips.
I used to watch lots of TV trash--entertainment news, etc. It's all gone
I used to leave art projects up on the dining room table for weeks--no more.
I used to lose myself for hours in a great book.
I used to run errands whenever I wanted to and only if I wanted to.
I used to stay up late and sleep in.
I would lounge in a bath until my skin wrinkled without someone banging on the door or hopping right in.
I used to talk to grown ups when I wasn't at school.

Do I miss those things. Sure--somedays A LOT!

But here's the thing, my perspective has changed and I have so much more clarity about what I want and need and what I have to offer.

I so enjoy finding books at the library that I can't wait to read to Sam.
I love having a wiggly boy come into my bed in the morning and say about a gazillion times, "I need to get dressed and go downstairs."
I'm relieved that I have an excuse for an untidy house!
I am discriminate about good and bad DVDs for kids. I have opinions about these things, now.
I love going to free family friendly events where it's OK for a 2 year old to just run barefoot in the grass.
I love to hear that little boy say, "I need to paint now, mommy, pwease!"
I don't need to worry about new stuff for me as much. I want there to be enough for him and his dad.

It's not better. It's not worse. It's different. I told someone this week that I felt like for 40 years I saw the world through fuzzy unclear vision, and now motherhood was the lens that gave me clarity about what is important--even essential.

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